Batman Makes Sense.

Last Monday, at offices across the country, people gathered to compare notes about "The Dark Knight" and their opening-weekend viewing experiences. Miss Ossim's office was no exception, although one such discussion did yield the following rather remarkable conversation.

Boss: Did you love Dark Knight? I loved Dark Knight. What did you think of Dark Knight?
Employee: Oh my god, I loved Dark Knight. Heath was so amazing.
Boss: Heath was amazing, wasn't he?
Employee: Oh my god, he was so amazing.
Boss: He was totally amazing. Did you see Batman Begins?
Employee: I saw that and I totally didn't get it.
Boss: I didn't like Batman Begins. I didn't get it. I didn't get what it was about.
Employee: I couldn't tell what Batman Begins was about. I didn't get it.
Boss: Yeah, I turned to my friend ten minutes in and was like "what's this movie about? I don't get it!"
Employee: Yeah it was really... I didn't get it. I don't get what that movie was about. I asked my boyfriend a few minutes in, I asked him "what's this movie about?"
Boss: It was so weird.
Employee: It was totally weird, wasn't it?
Boss: But Dark Knight was amazing.
Employee: Oh my god, so amazing.

Now, lest you get the impression that the employee was repeating the boss in some sort of imitation-flattery ploy, let me assure you that neither one had any idea what the other person was saying whatsoever. They were simply talking at each other for several minutes, and it was a remarkable coincidence that nearly everything they said overlapped several times, bless their hearts.

Lewis Black has warned us that in such situations, we shouldn't think about it or else blood will come shooting out of our noses. Last Monday, I finally came to believe him.

Why Exercise Is Bad For You

I, Miss Ossim, am fundamentally lazy. I try to pass it off as "efficiency," but if I'm perfectly frank, it all comes down to a deep-seated desire to do as little as possible to achieve my goal, if indeed I have anything so lofty in mind.

That said, I was recently hiking a local nature trail, 4 miles into what would eventually become a 10-mile hike. At this fateful moment, as I neared the top of the tremendously long and steep hill, the album I had been listening to finished, and my mp3 player stopped just in time for me to catch the following snippet of conversation between the hikers descending toward me.

Girl 1: Well, ok, so, you guys know about like the Theory of Relativity and shit, right?
Girl 2: Uh, I think so. I don't know - remind me: is that like everything is relative?
Girl 1: Well kinda, yeah...

At which point I finally got the Hold off and blissfully started the music again, drowning out the pearls of wisdom that would have dropped from the mouth of Girl 1. Part of me really wishes I'd heard her full explanation of the "Theory of Relativity and shit," and the rest of me rejoices that those brain cells are still alive.

I have said this many times and will say it many more, but if you're going to speculate and flail while pretending to speak knowledgeably about a topic you know little to nothing about, either do it privately or be funny. As this particular conversation was only ironically funny to the observer, and was conducted in a public park, it counts as neither. I just pray that neither of them are educators.